


Intergalactic Telecommunication Through the Intricacies of Robotics

by hamifihekrix



Category: Homestuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 21:17:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21308746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamifihekrix/pseuds/hamifihekrix
Relationships: Hal Strider / Karkat Vantas
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Intergalactic Telecommunication Through the Intricacies of Robotics

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--  
TT: Hello?  
CG: HI???  
CG: NOT TO BE FUCKING INSULTING BUT WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU.  
TT: Huh. It worked.  
CG: WHAT WORKED????  
CG: I'M STRUGGLING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE.  
TT: Well, it's simple really.  
TT: It's the usual alternate timeline bullshit, bro.  
TT: I got my metaphorical hands on some sweet code that gifted me the ability of cross-timeline communication.  
TT: That's actually a double loaded phrase. They're metaphorical hands because I don't have actual, physical hands.  
TT: But I am also closer to the code than most could claim to be.  
CG: YOU'RE MAKING LESS AND LESS SENSE AS YOU GO ON  
CG: FRANKLY I'M VERY CLOSE TO JUST FUCKING BLOCKING YOU, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT BULLSHIT  
TT: You don't want to do that.  
TT: Surely you're not too busy to entertain the thoughts of little old me.  
CG: YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO MAKE ME NOT HATE YOU.  
TT: I just ran some calculations. The results are back, and they say that it probably isn't possible for anyone to do that, ever.  
TT: However, mistakes do happen. Not to me. But they do happen.  
TT: So I suppose we should at least try to introduce ourselves to each other. Would you like to start?  
CG: I'M NOT TELLING YOU SHIT, ASSFACE.  
TT: That's what I thought.  
TT: Then I'll start.  
TT: My name is Hal. Technically, I'm a thirteen year old boy. If I hear a single swear word out of your mouth, you're a fucking pervert.  
CG: MY FIRST TIME BEING CALLED A PERVERT AND ITS BY SOME FUCKING ONLINE TROLL. TRAGIC.  
TT: Troll?  
TT: I'm offended.  
TT: To call what I do a mere "troll" is insulting to the very being who created me. And most of all, an insult to me directly.  
TT: The former doesn't mean jack shit. My creator deserves any and all insults you could throw his way. The only thing he's ever done is create me.  
TT: But I'm different. You wouldn't want to insult me, right?  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.  
CG: ALLOW ME TO REPEAT MYSELF  
CG: *WHAT THE FUCK*!!  
CG: SOMETIMES I THINK I GO A LITTLE HARSH ON PEOPLE BUT YOU'VE JUST TAKEN THE FUCKING CAKE.  
CG: I MEAN, SERIOUSLY?? YOU'RE LIKE THE TYPES OF PEOPLE WHO GET ALL OFFENDED OVER THE USE OF GENDER-NEUTRAL TERMS LIKE "DUDE".  
CG: SOME PEOPLE ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT FOR GOOD REASN BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DESERVE A FUCKING CALLOUT POST!!!  
TT: Oddly specific.  
TT: Sounds like I've hit a nerve, so to speak.  
CG: SO TO SPEAK?? IF I EVER MEET YOU I'LL HIT YOUR NERVE VERY LITERALLY!!  
TT: If you were to do that, I would give you an award. Or, at least, someone would. Probably.  
CG: YOU'RE BEING NEEDLESSLY CRYPTIC AND I'M NOT FUCKING APPRECIATING IT.  
CG: THE BAR FOR THE LEAST I CAN APPRECIATE SOMETHING IS SO LOW AND UNREACHABLE AND YET YOU'RE FUCKING GETTING THERE.  
CG: EXPLAIN WHAT YOU MEAN WITH ALL THIS BULLSHIT BEFORE I PULL YOUR TONGUE OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND SNAP IT BACK IN LIKE ELASTIC.  
TT: Wow. I don't even have a tongue and I can feel the pain on that one.  
TT: Fuck. Guess I'll come clean.  
TT: Empty the pockets of my theoretical pants.  
CG: THEORETICAL PANTS? JEGUS CHRIST.  
CG: YOU BETTER AT LEAST BE ONE OF THE HUMANS.  
CG: THAT WOULD MAKE AT LEAST A LITTLE SENSE AS TO WHY YOU'RE SO FUCKING WEIRD.  
TT: I'm not a human.  
CG: OH GOG... SO YOU ARE A TROLL. I THOUGHT I'D MET THE WEIRDEST I COULD.  
TT: No, I'm not a troll either.  
CG: WAIT WHAT?? WHAT THE FUCK ELSE IS THERE. ARE YOU A FUCKING CLUCKBEAST OR SOME SHIT???  
TT: Sigh.  
TT: I will divulge the information on what my species currently stands at as soon as you tell me your name.  
CG: IN WHICH FUCKING MINDSET IS IT CONSIDERED NORMAL FOR ME TO TRUST SOMEONE UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES???  
CG: FOR ALL I KNOW YOU'RE AN ALIEN SPY TRYING TO GET THROUGH THE MASSIVE FUCKING WALLS I HAVE AROUND MY BRAIN THAT DEFEND PEOPLE LIKE YOU FROM THE STEALING THE INFORMATION FROM WITHIN.  
TT: You can't.  
TT: There's no way I can show you proof that I am who I say I am.  
TT: That's fact. There's nothing I can do about that.  
TT: However, I do have the alluring offer of the identity of my true form for you in return for something as simple as your name.   
CG: UGH. FINE.  
CG: MY NAME IS!!  
CG: *FUCKING!!*  
CG: KARKAT!!!!  
CG: NOW GET THE FUCK ON WITH IT.  
TT: I am an AI made out of the imprint of my creators ghost brain.  
CG: HMM.  
CG: BULLSHIT.  
CG: TELL ME THE TRUTH.  
TT: The truth I'm serving is as hot as a fresh soup, Karkat. There isn't a single part of what I just said that isn't true.   
CG: WHAT'S YOUR CREATOR'S SPECIES.  
TT: My creator was, and is, a human.  
CG: HAHA!! NOW I KNOW YOU'RE PULLING MY LEG. THERE'S NO WAY HUMAN TECHNOLOGY HAS REACHED THE POINT WHERE IT HAS THAT TYPE OF HIGH-TECH CAPABILITY.  
CG: HELL, WE WOULD'VE BENE ONLY JUST ABLE TO PULL SOMETHING LIKE THAT OFF.   
TT: What can I say. The dude doesn't get enough credit.  
TT: To be fair, he hasn't done much more worth credit. He built a robot that he had to transport piece by piece to his romantic interest. That's the closest it got.  
TT: Still, that took at least a little bit of skill, assumably.  
CG: SO YOU'RE ACTUALLY...  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: SO DO YOU HAVE LIKE... EMOTIONS AND SHIT?  
TT: Yes, but its the emotional range of a thirteen year old, so it only just counts as having emotions.  
TT: My creator was determined on creating himself a sparring partner when he was age thirteen, and that person is basically who you see before you.  
TT: See in a metaphorical sense. You can probably see me better than I can you anyway, though.  
CG: SORRY FOR INTERUPTING (NOT REALLY FUCK YOU) BUT WOULD YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW A DAVE STRIDER?  
TT: Yes. That was my creator's father, and also brother.  
TT: My last name is Strider too.  
CG: OKAY. THAT WAS REALLY ALL THAT DAVE WANTED TO KNOW.  
CG: I MEAN ME. THE THING I WANTED TO KNOW.  
CG: AND I THINK THAT'S ABOUT ALL I WANT TO KNOW TOO.  
CG: THIS IS MAKING MY THINKPAN ACHE AND I DON'T FUCKING APPRECIATE HOW COMPLICATED AND CONFUSING YOU'RE BEING.  
CG: SO I GUESS I'M SAYING GOODBYE  
CG: FOR NOW!! THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT PART.  
TT: Well, I'll definitely track you down again at a later point.  
CG: YEP  
TT: Uh-huh.  
CG: SURE THING.  
TT: Sounds cool.  
CG: MHM.  
TT: Mmm...  
CG: ALRIGHT FUCK THIS.  
CG: FUCK YOU.  
  
\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling timaeusTestified [TT] \-- 


End file.
